From an exchange between the eminently reasonable British Group Captain Lionel Mandrake (Peter Sellers) and the lunatic hothead American Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper (Sterling Hayden), in the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964):
Ripper: Mandrake?
Mandrake: Yes, Jack?
Ripper: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
Mandrake: Well, I can’t say I have.
Ripper: Vodka, that’s what they drink, isn’t it? Never water?
Mandrake: Well, I-I believe that’s what they drink, Jack, yes.
Ripper: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
Mandrake: Oh, eh, yes. I, uhm, can’t quite see what you’re getting at, Jack.
Ripper: Water, that’s what I’m getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth’s surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?
Mandrake: Uh, uh, Good Lord!
Ripper: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Mandrake: Yes. (he begins to chuckle nervously)
Ripper: Are you beginning to understand?
Mandrake: Yes. (more laughter)
Ripper: Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure-grain alcohol?
Mandrake: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
Ripper: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
Mandrake: Uh? Yes, I-I have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.
Ripper: Well, do you know what it is?
Mandrake: No, no I don’t know what it is, no.
Ripper: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?
Ripper goes on to tell an alarmed Captain Mandrake that fluoride has robbed him of his “essence” in the bedroom, a condition that was overcome only by the hoarding of his “precious bodily fluids”: “I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake…but I do deny them my essence.”
The point of all this is not that Ripper is a nut — though he is — but rather that, a bit like Halley’s Comet, the great debate over fluoridated tap water seems to come around like clockwork every few years or so, with experts launching time and again into heated debate about the effects of fluoride on your health.
Everyone seems to agree that it strengthens teeth, but a group called the Fluoride Action Network argues that it causes more problem than it solves, calling it a neurotoxin that impairs the thyroid gland, damages bones and lowers intelligence. Detractors also claim dire risks for kidney patients, and one British professor even says fluoride “could lead to a 50 per cent increase in the number of mentally disabled people and a similar decline in the number of ‘gifted’ people.” The anti-fluoride movement is accusing municipalities, researchers and national regulators of covering up the hard facts about fluoride, but as far as I know, they have yet to raise a red flag about Communist plots to achieve global domination by inducing widespread impotence throughout the free world. If they do, rest assured you’ll read it here first.
The prevailing wisdom is that the Fluoride Action naysayers are as batty as General Ripper. Health Canada and the Canadian Dental Association insist it’s safe, and Dr. Hazel Stewart of Toronto Public Health says “fluoridated water is the safest and most equitable way of improving oral health for Torontonians [and presumably other people] of all cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds.” Basically, fluoride improves dental health in low-income families that can’t afford trips to the dentist.
As well, a World Health Organization report insists that there is “no reasonable evidence of effects on the respiratory, haematopoietic, hepatic or renal systems,” “inadequate evidence of carcinogenicity,” and no impact on “reproduction, reproductive organs or the development of the foetus.” Ominously though, there’s no mention of whether fluoride is making us dumber. So the next time you fail an exam or drop the ball at work, don’t blame yourself — blame fluoride. And communists.
And if you haven’t seen Dr. Strangelove, rent it. It’s a funny, witty take on humanity’s seeming determination to kill itself off and has given us loads of cultural icons, including that photo up there of a U.S. Air Force pilot riding an H-bomb to his doom — and everyone else’s.
More from Ripper’s ramblings:
Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children’s ice cream!…You know when fluoridation began?…1946. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.
Ironically Sterling Hayden, who played Ripper, was dragged before the infamous House Un-American Activities Committee as a communist sympathizer, where he and other Hollywood stars were forced to “name names” including that of his best friend, who died in prison as a result.
1 response so far ↓
1 Asher Vijay // Aug 11, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Firstly, I haven’t yet seen Dr. Strangelove. Now you know. Man, I’ve wanted to get that off my chest for a while.
Secondly, while I’m not one to trust two-bit hacks like “chemistry teachers” or “researchers” (that’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek), but the opposing camp, as far as I know, hasn’t provided any evidence for their side. I had a prof who explained to the class the history of fluoridation, which is summarized here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluoridation#History
Mother nature was the first to implement it. I never verified it, but our prof told us that Montreal is now the only major North-American city without fluoridized water. We also have a lot more cavities.
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